Cold Flame Page 8

  “It’s a somewhat nice closet,” I lied.

  Terry stared at me.

  “It’s better than the last closet I had.”

  “Rachel.”

  “What? It’s true. This closet is better than the last closet. Being honest, they like closets in the refugee program.”

  “It’s a tactic to make people uncomfortable enough they don’t want to stay the full five years to earn citizenship.”

  “They keep paying for my moves. If they wanted me to leave, they’d make me pay for it myself.”

  “They have regulations on how far they can push refugees and other migrants. If they’re forcing you to move, they are required by the government to pay for the move. But they can make you miserable in other ways. I’ve been monitoring the situation. Frankly, your tolerance is a great deal higher than mine. I’ve been to some of the apartments you’ve stayed at following your moves as a part of surprise inspections of unoccupied government housing units.”

  “How did you, an RPS agent, pull that off?”

  “It’s simple enough. I had Montana put in a request to find out if government housing might be suitable for emergency housing for displaced principals. His Royal Majesty of Montana may have had words with California after the one apartment.”

  I could make a few guesses which apartment he meant. They had rats in the walls, and I’d become friends with a few of them. “Are you talking about Bob, Joe, or Pauline? Or maybe Francis?”

  “You named the rats?”

  “I figured I had to call them something, and I felt guilty after I torched the first one to skitter into my space. I took him outside and buried him. I felt guilty!”

  “You lit a rat on fire, felt guilty you had lit a rat on fire, and buried him?”

  “I suppose it could have been a girl rat. There wasn’t exactly enough left of it to tell.”

  “Rachel.”

  “I didn’t even scorch the floor. Come on, Terry. It was a rat. I even felt bad about it afterwards. I didn’t know I was sharing my residence!”

  “I was more wondering why you didn’t torch the other rats.”

  “Well, they were there first, and we had an agreement.”

  “You had an agreement… with rats?”

  “If they left me and my laundry alone, I’d leave them alone. I even forgave the rat that had babies in my clothes. I couldn’t torch a nest of babies, Terry. I’m not that much of a monster!”

  The way my RPS agent sighed implied I’d gotten a firm hold on his chain and tugged it a great deal harder than he liked. Being a proper New Yorker, I couldn’t help but give a few more yanks to push my luck.

  I smiled. “I even kept two of the babies.”

  “You did not keep wild rats as pets. There is no way you kept one as a pet, let alone two.”

  “I most certainly did. The government bastards who move me always have to get into a fight with the airlines so Snookums and Flamingo can ride in the cabin. My rats will never ride in cargo, thank you very much. Snookums and Flamingo are used to me working late hours, so they get a big breakfast and dinner.”

  Terry’s eyes widened. “You really have two pet rats?”

  “Would you like to meet them?”

  “You adopted two wild rats.”

  “They were helpless infants, and the mother didn’t want them. She took—or ate—the other babies. I’m not sure which. But they’re my babies now, thank you. They’re pretty old for rats, though. I’m convinced they’ll live forever. Part of my budget is making sure they get the best care. I have two spoiled rotten babies. The vet said because they’re not lab rats, they might live for up to four years.”

  “You’re eating macaroni and cheese because you’re spending all of your money on your rats, aren’t you?”

  “I refuse to apologize for my poor choices.”

  “You don’t need to apologize. I just need to plan around having to accommodate your pets should an emergency move be a requirement.”

  My eyes widened. “You’ll accommodate my rats?”

  “Of course. If it’s possible to do without compromising your safety, your rats will be provided for.”

  “My opinion on the RPS and its operations has substantially improved as of now.”

  “Did you have any pets growing up?”

  I stared at him, wondering who I needed to call to report that the RPS agent had lost his mind. “You really think my parents would let us have pets?”

  “Good point. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s certainly not your fault. I’ve ridden a horse a few times, but only because there might have been a chance we’d be invited to somewhere like Montana or Texas. I was not invited. Ian was. And I’m okay with that. I don’t like royalty.”

  “You certainly liked your lusty prince,” Terry muttered.

  “Oh, yes. I’ll settle with kidnapping a Californian prince for information, though. I don’t know if I could plan a suitable kidnapping for someone like the lusty prince. It would have to be the perfect plan, cunning and clever with a good use of scientific methods to properly impress him with my intellect.”

  “Rachel, all you’d have to do to properly impress him is have him look at your results for the refugee test.”

  “But it’s a matter of putting in the effort to impress him. I didn’t take that test to impress him.”

  “You don’t have to impress anyone.”

  “That’s not how being a princess works. We have to impress people, especially princes. I would be behaving in an untraditional fashion, impressing him with science. I like a challenge when it doesn’t involve juggling funds to make sure Snookums and Flamingo remain appropriately spoiled.”

  “You don’t have to impress him. You’re already beyond that stage.”

  “I am?”

  “You successfully left a royal wedding after the exchange of vows without anyone noticing. You’d already gotten his attention just coming into the room. Then you wandered off before he could learn who you were. He’s already impressed. You don’t have to do anything. Vanishing ultimately served as a challenge.”

  “Oh.” I considered that. “This is why New York royals have no luck getting married. We’re generally terrible people. We have no good examples to follow, obviously.”

  “New Yorkers are very adept at getting married. Montana and Alaska are excellent examples of this.”

  “But they weren’t royals.”

  “No, but they’re definitely New Yorkers.”

  “They’re better New Yorkers than I am.”

  “You need therapy.”

  While true, I scowled at that. “Okay. Get it out of your system. What do you think I need therapy for?”

  “Emotional abuse at the hands of your parents, and that’s just for starters.”

  Well, shit. Terry meant business—and I’d even had that thought myself a few times. “You’re going to tell me I can afford therapy because I have my bank card.”

  “While that’s a good guess, no. I’m not. The RPS has a network of therapists equipped to handle royalty. Montana would likely discuss the situation with North Dakota for recommendations. New York doesn’t have a sufficient therapy network.”

  “If they did, I wouldn’t have been such a mess that I ran away from home and rebelled.”

  “Precisely.”

  “Having pet rats named Snookums and Flamingo is not a reason I need therapy.”

  “That’s just additional proof you’re a compassionate person.”

  “You’re totally going to use my pet ownership against me, aren’t you?”

  “No, although it will be in your report to make sure your pets are taken care of, especially with the concerns of a probable kidnapping.”

  “I dislike your use of the word probable.”

  “You’re worth ten million dollars plus bonuses upon relocation to New York. This is the reality of the situation.”

  “What are the odds of me dodging a kidnapping until I have California citizenship?”


  “Unlikely. There’s one of me. My job, at this point, is to protect you to the best of my ability and try to get you out of any situations that arise, but should I not be able to guarantee your safety, I will do what’s necessary to prevent harm to you.”

  “And there’s really nothing you can do about that because I don’t have a New York detail, correct?”

  “Montana would authorize a strengthened detail for you, but it would make it clear Montana knows where you’re at. It would create political difficulties.”

  “And my odds of going unnoticed for three months?”

  “Assuming you limit your activities to the California Royal Archive, I think I can keep you from discovery for that long. This is assuming that no one notices you at the archive.”

  I hated my parents, and I wished lighting them on fire was an option. “You want me to surrender, don’t you?”

  “My top concern is your safety. If you don’t want to return to New York, I will do my best to protect you here. I am concerned about the potential consequences to your emotional health if you’re forced to return to New York against your will.”

  “Maybe you should notify the New York RPS that I would be very much inclined to light my parents on fire if they try to force me to return to New York without my consent. Which I’m not giving.”

  “An anonymous tip could be passed through the network to make it clear that the New York monarchs would be at an elevated risk of combustion should you be pushed on this matter.”

  “Maybe you should suggest they add a note to my bounty that I’m insane, possibly dangerous, and that I’m a strong enough flameweaver I can reduce them to a little pile of ash.”

  “I believe the royal family intends to send RPS agents to retrieve you.”

  “I view this as unfair and possibly cheating.” Killing RPS agents went onto the ‘just not done’ list, and while I liked my freedom, I wouldn’t kill off bodyguards because I didn’t approve of their activities.

  My parents, however, deserved a quick and brutal demise for putting a bounty onto my head in the first place.

  “They are playing to your conscience. They’re of the opinion you would not kill anyone without sufficient justification. This is one of Prince Ian’s reasons for believing you’d be the better choice of heir.”

  “My brother is a dick. If he doesn’t want the job, he should decline it, not try to dump it on my head.”

  “Prince Ian doesn’t want to see New York turned into a full circus when the reign changes.”

  If any of my siblings took the throne, it would be chaos, the kingdom would probably regress a hundred years, and New York would kiss its financial stability goodbye. “He’s a cunning dick.”

  “Should Prince Ian be added to the list of people likely to be victimized should you be relocated to New York?”

  “No. Death is too kind of a fate for him. I’ll make the bastard an advisor, and I’ll hire this woman he likes so he’s forced to grovel for an exception to pursue her.”

  “I regret having mentioned that facet of his motivations.”

  “Welcome to the world of New York politics, Terry. If you want to survive, you must know your adversary’s weaknesses—and have a plan on how to use those weaknesses to your advantage. But I’m a kind soul. Should she be worthy of him, I’ll give him his exception. Assuming, of course, I decide he’s worthy of her. He’s a New York prince. That’s a black mark against him.”

  “I will be adding a note to your file that your New York vindictive viciousness is intact.”

  “I like that note. Make sure the note about Snookums and Flamingo is at the top.” I considered. “California charges a ridiculous amount for closets, and it’s hard to find a place that doesn’t bitch about my pets. I’m going to be stuck in my closet for at least three months until they move me again.”

  “It is possible you might be permanently hired at the archive.”

  “Bite your tongue; they do not let the uppity refugees stay anywhere long. I’ve moved so many times that my rats are used to the routine of riding in their carrier.”

  “You have a carrier for your rats?”

  “I need one to take them on the plane. I use a cat carrier. They love the fleece. They enjoy flying. This is because I have the most spoiled pet rats in the entirety of the Royal States.”

  “I’m concerned.”

  “But why? I love my rats. They’re cute, they’re generally quiet, they let me pet them, and they’ll even ride around on my shoulders and play with my hair. We have a good time. They’re great girls.”

  “You’ve tamed wild rats, and they ride on your shoulders?”

  “Why do you sound so stunned?”

  “They’re wild animals you adopted.”

  “So? They’re sweet. I am always kind to them, I pet them every day, and I reward them with treats when they’re good. They’re always good, so they get a lot of treats. But I make them exercise so they don’t get fat. They only get their favorite treats when they run enough on their wheel. I have two wheels for them, and I set a little timer, and they run while the timer is going. When it beeps, they know they’ve earned their treats. I need to get them new wheels soon.”

  “I’m going to need care information for them in case of emergency.”

  “And a copy of my closet key so you can get in without breaking my flimsy door.”

  “And possibly a stealthy door and lock replacement to make your closet more secure.”

  “I have no idea how you’re going to do that in a cramped apartment complex.”

  “Carefully.”

  “I can make an extensive list of reasons why you would be more qualified to rule New York than me. Can I make you my recommendation to be the heir? You really seem like the better choice.”

  Terry humored me with a smile. “I’m not nearly pretty enough to be a princess.”

  “You would be a prince. You’re a boy person, not a girl person.”

  “I am not nearly as educated as you. I’ve taken the dummy tests for the Californian refugee program.”

  “You have? How did you do?”

  “I made it to day four before failing out.”

  Day four wasn’t bad at all, and I grinned at him. “You did really good. Don’t let the lusty prince know that; if he’s one of those types attracted to intellect, you’ll become competition. I don’t want to have to fight with you over a prince.”

  “I realize you believe you have limited options, but you don’t even know who he is.”

  “But he likes my face without makeup, Terry. That’s immediately marriageable material in my book.”

  “I’m concerned.”

  “You’re probably right about me needing therapy. I talk to my rats because I scare off sensible people.”

  “I’m scheduling in weekly meetings so you’re forced to socialize with another human being.”

  “What’s wrong with talking to Snookums and Flamingo?”

  “They talk in squeaks. You need someone to talk to you in English.”

  “That’s so rude. They’re great listeners.”

  “They’re only great listeners because they can’t talk back.”

  “That’s harsh, Terry.”

  “Finish your drink. We have clothing shopping to address, and then I must meet your friends. I want to make sure I’m prepared to care for them on your behalf if necessary.”

  “The Montana RPS needs to give you a raise and a promotion to rat wrangler.”

  “Hardly.”

  I pointed at myself. “You’re wrangling me, and I have it on the best authority that New York royals? We’re worse than rats. We’re total rats.”

  “We’re going to have to address your self-esteem issues,” Terry muttered, soft enough I doubted he meant for me to hear.

  “My special brand of crazy will keep a therapist busy for years. You should add that to my file and warn the New Yorkers. They don’t want to bring this kind of crazy back to their kingdom. Also, I bite.”
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  “I’ll make sure I warn New York that you’ll bite during any kidnapping attempts.”

  “Now we’re talking. Make a note in my file I might be rabid.”

  “Will that make you happy?”

  “Possibly. Can you add in a few extra taunts on my behalf?”

  Terry’s stern countenance cracked, and I appreciated his grin. “As a matter of fact, yes. I can. But should I, be prepared to face the consequences. Poking your adversaries with a stick might result in biting off more than you can chew.”

  “I’m looking on the bright side of things. That’s all I got right now.”

  “That’ll change,” Terry promised. “For now, we need to get you through this tough patch unscathed.”

  “And unkidnapped.”

  “That’s not even a word, Rachel.”

  “It is now. I just made it up.”

  He sighed, and in the sound, I heard a man who’d reached the end of his rope. “Unkidnapped, then.”

  “So, how would I go about kidnapping a Californian prince, anyway? I have a few questions for him.”

  Seven

  It’s not crap.

  Terry really didn’t want me kidnapping a Californian prince. In his effort to prevent me from concocting a plan to take a prince at my leisure and do whatever I wanted with him, my agent dragged me all over San Francisco in his quest to dress me to his standards rather than mine.

  He took me into a quiet boutique with hundreds of colorful options. The RPS agent managed to convince the sales representatives we didn’t need any help with our shopping, and he began with rummaging through bright blouses to put me in my place.

  I liked black and white.

  He thought blues and greens suited me.

  While he wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t the clothes I’d worn for the past few years, and I resented having to change. “Do I really have to wear this crap to work?”

  “It’s not crap, Rachel.”

  “It most certainly is crap. I’m spending at least ten times more on this garbage than what I did on my funeral attire. And I look professional in my funeral attire.”